Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"You are a puff of smoke..."

Busy day today - my grandma has been a tremendous help in really getting things done (and it's only her first day)! We made a lot of progress on packing things in the kitchen (or, I should say... she made a lot of progress). I mostly fumbled around with other items of business: Our real estate agent came over and I signed a bunch of papers to list our house. I called ADT to ask about temporarily discontinuing my service due to the fact that I'm moving in with Matt's parents and won't be needing a security system again until I move into my own house someday. They wanted to charge me upwards of $600 for early cancellation because we signed into a three-year contract. I questioned there not being any type of bereavement break, so to speak. She talked to her manager and said it would be waived if I faxed in a copy of the death certificate. Fair enough. So I have to do that tomorrow. I also sent Sprint a copy of the death certificate or else I would be charged another cancellation fee for getting rid of a line. Everybody loves to charge for early cancellation, it seems. I'm trying to get my number canceled and take Matt's number.

I think all I have left is DirecTV to call. I will probably do that next week. I called SHP - it appears that medical examiner's reports take forever and a day to be completed and sent. But Matt's license and registration are at the office so I'm going to pick those up tomorrow.

I put both kids to bed last night and tonight. That's a pretty huge feat for me. Matt and I always did the bedtime routine together for Noah. Handling it alone has been very challenging and I oftentimes enlisted the help of other family members. But the timing has worked out better these last two nights; especially tonight. I was able to get Chloe to sleep first and then do the same for Noah. So far so good.

There is a photo of Matt in Noah's room; the one that was displayed next to his casket at the visitation. I tell Noah to "give Daddy a kiss" and he walks over to the photograph and kisses it. And then I say, "Daddy loves you." I'm really glad Noah recognizes Matt in pictures. I wonder if he will retain memories of interacting with him. I hope so. I feel sad that Chloe only had three short months with him and 80% of that was actually spent with me. I am thankful for the few pictures and videos I have of the two of them. It's just sad that there are so few. Very sad. I know that our friends and family will always share stories about their daddy and there are pictures and videos and all that... but that still doesn't replace him being there. It's good that we will at least have that stuff... but it will never be as good as what should have been. It is not the same. And that's just a plain and simple fact.

Come now, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we shall go into such and such a town, spend a year there doing business, and make a profit" - you have no idea what your life will be like tomorrow. You are a puff of smoke that appears briefly and then disappears. Instead you should say, "If the Lord wills it, we shall live to do this or that." - James 4:13-15

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