I packed up most of Matt's books yesterday and also came across two important things. The first was a scrapbook he made for me. It documented the summer he spent in Boston for an internship. Summer 2005 - our first summer together. In it are the songs he wrote for me while he was there. Here are some that stuck out to me.
These are from a song called "The Story That We Dreamed Of"
Walking toward the tracks, the enemy pulls the ties out.
But the lover, he smiles at she whose wings will lift them up.
They avoid disaster and are carried to the sky
Where they will reside in one another's arms forever.
My darling, this is the story of our love
A movie script, a fairytale and everything we dream of
Best friends, just like lovers should be
We are meant to be together for all eternity.
We both know nothing can take us off the tracks
For you, I'd bleed
Eight hundred fifty miles will soon become
A mere 2 feet away from me
Where you'll always be
Lying in my arms
The woman that surely completes me
These are from a song called "(You'll Always Be) My Guardian Angel"
You'll always be my guardian, the angel; shine
The light at the end of the tunnel, your smile
reminisces of halos
I will give you what I have
Bring your life full circle
Care for you in life and death
For eternity, we can be
And then I found his journal. In planning Matt's arrangements, something inside me told me Matt wanted to be buried as opposed to cremated. We've had this discussion... probably on more than one occasion. So I just knew I was doing what he would want.
And I have read this journal before so it was familiar to me. Reading it again last night just served as kind of a refresher.
On August 12, 2006 - and hopefully he doesn't mind that I share this slightly paranoid side of him.
I bought some ant spray to rid our house of the pests & sprayed it in one corner upstairs. I got a little on my hands, though I've washed them dozens of times since, & had water & coffee. Nevertheless, I think I'm afraid to sleep for fear I'll pass away from the poison. Ridiculous, right? In any event, & whenever it happens although it's morbid to think about, this is what I want done if it is questioned:
I'd like to be cremated - 1/3 thrown into Crystal Lake, 1/3 at the farm and 1/3 as a filler in a crystal piece for Steph to wear on a necklace, preferably a locket, which reads, "You are my all, my everything."
On September 11, 2006 -
Edit: I'd rather be buried next to my beloved, Stephanie (we talked this over).