I went down to the state highway patrol office with my father in law today to obtain the accident report. We ended up talking to a sergeant for over an hour about everything. I received more details. I want to know everything. I think that the people I ask for information are afraid I will regret hearing what they have to say... but I haven't yet. I appreciate being able to understand every single thing that occurred and I think it helps me with closure. I didn't see his body, I'm not going to look at the car (at the advice of the sergeant), so hearing descriptions is what helps me.
The details aren't pretty and I could tell that the sergeant was having a difficult time answering my questions. I could tell that even he found the photos of the car to be disturbing. And at one point, when I asked what the first trooper on scene saw, he said, "M'am, are you sure you want to hear this?"
Yes. I was very sure. I almost felt bad for making him re-live the things he's seen/heard... but I had to know. I can't describe how it makes me feel to hear those things or explain why I want to know those things. I just do.