Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Half of a Mile

We painted a cross to put on the side of the highway today. It was built by a friend of some friends... so very generous of him. It's beautiful. It has Noah and Chloe's handprints on each end.

I found the passenger side mirror of Matt's car in the wooded area where it came to a stop. I also found his stylus to his iPaq. I kept both. There were two pages of pharmaceutical literature, a windshield wiper and various pieces off of his car. Lots of shattered glass. We were in the last place Matt was alive.

I took a closer look at the suit jackets that were hanging in Matt's car. They have been out in the garage. I'm guessing they were hanging behind him on the driver side. There are several blood stains on one. Lots of little tears and rips on both of them.

I have an appointment set with a grief counselor next week. I cannot wait to talk about everything. It helps me so much to talk about it. The fact that my husband died so tragically and so violently weighs heavy on my mind.

Tomorrow, I've got to call the SHP office to ask about pictures of the car and the medical report. I still have questions. Hoping I see the first trooper on scene although the chance is slim, I want to ask if he noticed where Matt's phone was in the car when he came up to it. Where his computer was. And where his wallet was. Why? No reason... I'm just curious. I guess even if I don't talk to the trooper directly, I will likely find the answers to these questions if/when I look at the pictures. I'm still not sure I will look at them. Or if I will wait a while and then look. Or look right away. I've been warned. And yet I still want them just in case.

I was thinking about how much Matt went through after his first accident today while we were working on the cross. It's just amazing what he overcame. I wish I would have told him that more often.

If the tractor driver was getting off the highway at the next exit (the officers think he was), he had 1/2 a mile left. Half of a mile could have made all the difference in the world. And we wouldn't have even known it.

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