Friday, August 26, 2011

I vs. We

I'm in a transitory phase going from "we", "us" and "our" to "I", "me" and "my". And "is" to "was". Simply put, I don't like it every time I go to say something and have to use the past tense now instead of the present. And I'm sure, at times, I don't.

I had a very pleasant dream last night, which was a welcome change from the nightmare I had two nights ago. Needless to say, Matt was there. Wearing white. His soul went back to his body and I knew it would be the most glorious thing ever because it would be his "heavenly" body. Somehow, I knew this was taking place and was really excited. I went to greet him. I got the warmest feeling and I know we spoke but I can't remember what was said. Then, I took him out to see his family. Our time was limited because he would have to leave again. I woke up feeling so happy. When we hug in my dreams, it feels so real.

I packed up more of Matt's clothes today and got a lot of filing accomplished in the office. I had to go back to Staples to get one more file tote. That is not a good place for me to go. I always went with Matt. Makes me get that feeling in my stomach when I walk in there.

I didn't realize that grief had "symptoms" (like a medical issue) until I came across an article written by a therapist in Grand Rapids. I found it interesting...

Appetite disturbances
Social withdrawal
Crying
Dreams of the deceased
Desire and need to talk about the deceased
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased
Senses presence of the deceased
Anger
Depression/sadness
Fear
Guilt
Hollowness in the stomach
Reassessment of one's faith and belief system

Those are not all of them but those are the ones I'm experiencing or have experienced.

It also says that often the second year of grieving is more difficult than the first. The normal grieving process takes two to five years.

Grieving is the price we pay for loving.

1 comment:

  1. Stephanie,
    I am on the Bump website and saw your post about losing your DH. My heart broke for you and I haven't been about to stop thinking about you, your children, and your family, as well as Matt's. I have been reading your blog and I can't tell you how amazing your writing is. You are so honest with your posts and the way you describe Matt and your relationship together, makes me feel like I know you. I hurt for you and feel terrible about what you are going through. I think your ability to write about it will help you through this awful time.....I also think having your children be able to read about their mom and dad someday will be priceless...I just wanted to reach out to you to tell you that I am thinking of you and praying for you.
    xx Cait
    conwaycait@gmail.com

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