I'm in a transitory phase going from "we", "us" and "our" to "I", "me" and "my". And "is" to "was". Simply put, I don't like it every time I go to say something and have to use the past tense now instead of the present. And I'm sure, at times, I don't.
I had a very pleasant dream last night, which was a welcome change from the nightmare I had two nights ago. Needless to say, Matt was there. Wearing white. His soul went back to his body and I knew it would be the most glorious thing ever because it would be his "heavenly" body. Somehow, I knew this was taking place and was really excited. I went to greet him. I got the warmest feeling and I know we spoke but I can't remember what was said. Then, I took him out to see his family. Our time was limited because he would have to leave again. I woke up feeling so happy. When we hug in my dreams, it feels so real.
I packed up more of Matt's clothes today and got a lot of filing accomplished in the office. I had to go back to Staples to get one more file tote. That is not a good place for me to go. I always went with Matt. Makes me get that feeling in my stomach when I walk in there.
I didn't realize that grief had "symptoms" (like a medical issue) until I came across an article written by a therapist in Grand Rapids. I found it interesting...
Dreams of the deceased
Desire and need to talk about the deceased
Difficulty concentrating and making decisions
Preoccupation with thoughts of the deceased
Senses presence of the deceased
Hollowness in the stomach
Reassessment of one's faith and belief system
Those are not all of them but those are the ones I'm experiencing or have experienced.
It also says that often the second year of grieving is more difficult than the first. The normal grieving process takes two to five years.
Grieving is the price we pay for loving.