Monday, September 12, 2011

This is not home.

I always used to refer to Michigan as "home' but it is different now. Matt was my home. this does not feel like home without him. Now a part of me wonders if moving away from North Carolina so soon was a mistake. I don't know. I just have a terrible feeling about being here like this. I'm sure it's just my initial reaction and it will get better with time. I just had to pack up all of Matt's things and all of my things... our entire home. And now it's gone.

I don't even get to look at it anymore. I almost feel homeless and it can't be undone. Even though Matt was not in our house, I could still sense him because it is where our life was. Leaving all that behind is almost as bad as his death itself.

I would rather be back there.


  1. Oh steph, i've struggled with that myself. I know our situations are different, but my family dynamic has changed as well. Keep leaning on your faith...

  2. Hi Stephanie... I found your blog via TB, and it has been so tearful as I've read through your past posts. But what overwhelms me the most is the knowledge in my heart that you will get through. There's a strength about you that shines through as you write. I know you'd say that you're not really strong (strong people always say that)... so maybe it's God's strength that I'm seeing, and Matt's too?
    I have a friend who is remembering her late husband today... she lost him in a motorcycle accident 3 years ago today. She was pregnant with their 5th child when she lost him. An amazing man, just like Matt. Anyway, I wanted to give you a link to her blog. Maybe it would be of some encouragement to you.
    She's a christian, and her writing has been an inspiration to me, just as your's as been.
    God bless you. I won't forget you in my prayers.

  3. Stephanie, I remember you from our GP board back in 2008/2009.(I was mrs.Gardner) I am just so incredibly sorry to see about your husband. You are at the top of my prayers right now. Sending you comforting hugs <3

  4. I don't have any great words or wisdom or healing, but want you to know you and the kids are in my thoughts. I'm sure things will work out once you get settled. XOXO.