Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Real Deal

I'm just trying to get all my ducks in a row this week before I leave North Carolina forever. I called Trooper C. and we ended up talking for a good little while. So I asked about how they were trying to get up with me that day. The first thing they did was come to our house. Obviously, I wasn't home. So they asked the neighbors about me. And we don't know our neighbors well, not to mention two of them had just moved in like within a week before Matt's death. But the woman next door to us told them there was a homeowner's association and so they contacted HOA and got the name of our realtor. And then our realtor, who is also our friend, told them where I worked. And voila.

So anyway, information surfaced that Matt's phone was between his legs. I found this out last Friday. I had this unrelenting urge to pinpoint a reason as to why this all happened. And now I have it. That was the final piece to confirm my speculation all along. And guess what? A.) I'm not surprised and B.) Hearing that was like being given a big gift box wrapped in closure. But Trooper C. wouldn't speculate with me, try as I might. I couldn't get him to tell me that was the reason. But I feel like I know. I felt like I knew a month ago, I just couldn't say it yet.

I left a message for the doctor who treated Matt in the trauma center. I'm waiting to hear back although I wouldn't be surprised if I didn't... but we will see. And I also left a message to the towing company to see if they might, by chance, still have Matt's house keys. He had a keychain remote for our security system so if I could get that back, that would be nice. But I'm not betting on it!

Anyway, I felt a lot better about things after I talked to Trooper C. and I also had another therapy sesh today. I feel okay. I am sad to be leaving our home here. But at the same time, I look forward to moving back to Michigan to be with friends and family.

My therapist asked me, "Do you feel like one half of you is doing okay and the other half is doing terribly?" That is EXACTLY how I feel.

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