Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Sometimes I feel angry.

Not angry with the farmer.

Not angry with God.

Angry with Matt.

Angry with myself.

Why couldn't he have just been more careful? Did he not realize what was at stake? No, he knew. I know he knew because otherwise he wouldn't have made a terrible semi-joke before Independence Day weekend. I texted him ideas of what we could do. He called me afterwards and I asked him at the last minute before hanging up if he had seen them but he didn't hear me so I texted him the same question. He replied, "Yes, I'm driving. I'll read them later unless you want your children to be fatherless."

Why couldn't I have put up a more persuading argument to make him stay home? I could have said, "I'm telling you to take the day off. Now because I said that, you might get killed in a wreck. Is that worth one extra day at work when you feel shitty anyway?"

Of all things, the fact that I told him to take that day off is what kills me the most. I know I bring it up all the time.

I picked up an anniversary card...

Noah starts daycare tomorrow which is going to be great for me and for him. I'm keeping Chloe with me. Noah just needs the socialization and routine; I just need a break. So that will be nice. He is going to a childcare program at St. Francis Xavier. I like that it is in a Christian environment. The toddler group is small and the room is quite large with high ceilings. It's a nice, inviting atmosphere and the teachers are around my age. We looked at four different places this morning. The first one was kind of sketch. The second one was really nice but they were full. The third one was St. Francis Xavier and the fourth one was just okay; they seemed to have a lot of good activities but the outdoor play area wasn't fantastic and the inside just seemed really institutionalized and too closed off (not a lot of windows). So I'm really happy with my decision. It won't be as fantastic as Childtime but I think it will still be nice. :) The only down side is I have to pack a lunch for him since they only provide snacks; no meals, but that's just a minor disadvantage. It's right downtown in Petoskey and they charge hourly so that is also nice. Noah got the last spot available since there are only four toddlers in the "two's" group!

"... We are not discouraged; rather, although our outer self is wasting away, our inner self is being renewed day by day. For this momentary light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to what is seen but to what is unseen; for what is seen is transitory, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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