Sunday, September 4, 2011


Matt was in my dreams last night. And I subconsciously tried to tell myself to remember this one because it was so important. But, of course, it seems so vague to me now. I will share as much as I can possibly recall.

He was wearing his white shirt (it seems he is always wearing that shirt in my dreams). I feel sure that we hugged, which is always the greatest event in my life these days; dreaming about hugging my husband. But the important part was the dialogue. And because I can't remember it now, I will just have to give a general description. Basically, he was trying to explain something to me. Something about him and Heaven and all that; saying it was real. It was as if he was providing answers the questions I wrote last night. I was left with such a good feeling.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I did receive more information about that day. Karla told me more. There were some things I didn't remember and then there were some things communicated to her of which I was unaware.

The first thing was that when they called the office, they told my boss who they were, of course. They said, "She's not in trouble but we are coming to talk to her and she's going to need consoling."

Before Trooper Coley left the office, he pulled Karla out to the foyer. He had her promise him that she wouldn't let me go to the hospital. I had no desire to see Matt's body but they were obviously concerned about it, nonetheless. That leads me to believe it was bad, which I expected it to be, hence, why I didn't want to see him in the first place. But Sergeant Sales said, "He doesn't look that bad; there's just some blood on his face," so I don't know if he was just trying to make me feel better or what. I'm thinking probably so. At any rate, I am glad to have known this additional information. But now I want to call Trooper Coley one more time even though I told him the last time I wouldn't call him anymore, lol. I know he doesn't mind though. There's just a couple more things that have come to my mind. I really want to know what he thinks happened and I want to know about how they went about trying to track me down because it took them five hours. I think that's it and then I'll finally be done. I said that last time.

1 comment:

  1. Hi, Stephanie,

    I just wanted to let you know that I've been reading your blog, and that I'm thinking of you very often. I cannot imagine suffering such a profound loss. Not only was Matt the particular man you chose to build your life around, but he was a simply wonderful person - so bright, full of humor and love. I have been amazed and inspired by your strength, grace, frankness, and optimism in dealing with this loss. On many occasions, your blog has made me cry, but on a few, surprisingly, it has made me laugh (e.g. your phrase about an infant attached to your boob).

    Stay strong! So many people are thinking of you.

    With love,
    Kate (Leitch...)