Even though I'm taking the reigns on my future and putting all my faith in God, I will forever be left as half of what I once was. I can heal but an invisible scar will remain.
The most adorable thing happened tonight while I was putting Noah to bed. Let's just forget about the fact that he NEVER actually went to sleep in the entire 90 minutes that I was laying with him. I had my eyes just *barely* open because he was moving and I wondered what he was up to. I thought he was getting up really close to my face to see if I was looking and then do something mischievous. Then, he plants a peck on my lips and curls up next to me. He has never done that before. I was overcome with thoughts of Matt and I felt that maybe he orchestrated that somehow. Like... "give Mommy a kiss," type of thing. I just felt his presence there and imagined the three of us reading bedtime stories together like before. It was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes.