Wednesday, January 18, 2012


I received a call on my phone and after I said, "Hello," the first thing he said was something like, "You sound like your old self again." It was Matt. I was... there's no word to describe it. Shocked, excited, surprised... the next thing I remember is we were together again. I was catching him up on everything he missed. He wasn't in that car accident. He just somehow went missing but everyone thought he was in that car. I told him about how I really needed to do a will. Then I said, "Well, now we need to do one although I will probably just have to re-do it when you die but we should really get one." He seemed skeptical and I said, "Think about our kids. Do you know how dangerous it was for me to go each day without a will that could possibly leave them with no appointed guardians?" Well, not those words exactly but something like that. Then he nodded in agreement. It was weird... he didn't really say much. Or at least I didn't hear his voice. Then I asked him... "Who was in your car that day?" He started to panic when he realized that there was a family out there whose loved one was in that accident and they didn't know it yet. He didn't know who was in his car that day. I remember trying to think if it was one of his co-workers who might have taken his car. Then I woke up.

I always had this fear of Matt getting into another car accident. It worried me to death. I always told him to be careful, drive safely, pay attention. And when he took our kids to daycare... triple panic. I was really worried then because if they all died I would be left with nothing. I would tell myself to relax. What are the odds something like that would happen? Now I know that isn't such a far cry from reality. Now I always have this thought in the back of my mind when someone else drives with my kids. If they got into an accident and died on top of losing Matt... I would really be left with nothing. I still tell myself to relax and not worry. But my fear is a little less "irrational" to me now than it was before.

Well, I have class in a few minutes. I wanted to get that dream down. And the night before, I had a dream where I was communicating to Matt in Heaven and he was describing the transition from Earth to Heaven... kind of. He was talking about purgatory. He said you only have to wait a little while. It depends on the good deeds you've done in your life. But it's not long before you see the glory of Heaven. There was something about good deeds "filling your cup". So strange... I don't know. Dreams are weird.

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