Thursday, November 17, 2011

Just two things

I got my new and improved Michigan plate in the mail this week. Years ago, when Matt drove a Pontiac Grand Am in college, he had a license plate that said, "FR NOT". It was "Fear not" after Isaiah 41:10, which reads:

Fear not, I am with you;
be not dismayed; I am your God.
I will strengthen you, and help you,
and uphold you with my right
hand of justice.

So, I give you...

(FEARNOT was taken.)

I randomly decided to watch our wedding video today. I ended up laughing and smiling more than crying but, in the end, I was left feeling pretty sad and hopeless. That went pretty much as expected anyway. I decided to write down a few things as I watched, and that kind of distracted me from bawling the entire way through. Well that, plus Chloe is extra mad and teething and devilish today so that distracted me, too.

As soon as the video began, I started to cry... before the actual procession. This was just during the seating of the grandparents while Tom was singing Ave Maria. That's when I had the idea of writing down some memories and things because I remember the way I felt so nervous and excited when I was in the back of the church and I heard Tom start to sing. I was like, "Wow, it's starting!"

Matt looked over at me right before we started singing the opening song and he said into my ear, "You look beautiful."

My shoulders looked awesome from taking pilates and yoga that summer.

I noticed that sometimes I kind of look like Ginnifer Goodwin.

I loved my dress. I still love my dress.

Our vows were, "I, Matthew/Stephanie, take you, Stephanie/Matthew, to be my wife/husband. I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life."

And when we put the rings on it was, "Stephanie/Matthew, take this ring as a sign of my love and fidelity in the name of the father, the son and the holy Spirit."

I just kept watching Matt and thinking, "There's my sweetheart. There's my baby. Gone forever."

I also kept taking notice of all the couples who had been together for a long time and thinking about how lucky they are and how jealous I am of them. That will never be us.

Matt's brother, Tom, was the best man and my best friend, Amber, was my maid of honor. Tom talked about how I visited him at the rehab center while he was recovering from his first car accident. He was conscious but he couldn't talk yet. And so when I left, Matt looked at Tom confused and Tom said, "Are you wondering why she didn't give you a kiss goodbye? You broke up with her the day before your accident." He concluded by saying, "The car accident was God's way of saying, 'Matt, don't be an idiot. This is the girl you need to spend the rest of your life with.'" And that he did.

Amber talked about how Matt and I first met. And shared the story about how I French kissed Matt in front of the entire swim team. Haha... that was funny. We were so dramatic.

Matt sung into my ear during our first dance. Just like he did when we went to our high school dance together.

He gets major props for pulling my garter off with his teeth.

And also for busting out his Michael Jackson dance moves. I love that I have that to show our kids.

I love how all of our bridesmaids and groomsmen said something to us and I love what Matt said to me. I can't remember what it was; I wanted to type it out but Chloe was preventing me from being able to do so. At the beginning he said, "The first time I saw Stephanie walk down the aisle she took my breath away. She is the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life. Stephanie, I'm so thankful for you and for your kindness and lovingness..." (I think maybe he made up a word) and that's where I left it. I just remember at the end he said, "I love you, honey."

We were so perfect for each other. Damn it.

I am so glad we got a videographer for our wedding. So so glad. Being in the position I'm in now... I would tell everyone to get a good videographer and a good photographer on their wedding day. If I knew way back then what I know now... I would have also taken the option to have the videographer film the photo session, too. I also would have done professional family pictures at least four times a year. I'm thankful we had them done when we did though. Especially that last family/maternity session we did in February. There are some priceless pictures in there of Matt and Noah together.

I'll include a retrospective of our wedding. It is played to our first dance song, "Such A Way" by Stephen Kellogg and the Sixers.


  1. That video is so beautiful. I can't explain how much your sharing this means to so many. I pray for you and your family always.

  2. Your video is amazing! Thank you for sharing! :)