Despite all that, I think I still have a small underlying fear of the unknown. That's what it was for Matt. The unknown. But I somehow convinced him that that was the exciting part about it all... the unknown. I was probably trying to convince myself at the same time. I wonder who was there to greet him. Maybe my grandpa? His great grandparents? I do find comfort in knowing that he will be the first person I see when I die. That is the most fantastic thought of all. That erases all my fears. So what if I die a slow death? Anticipation is half the fun.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
I was reading back through my post from last night. About calming Matt's fears of death. What did I know, really? I know nothing about what happens after death. But I'm glad that we had that conversation. I'm glad that I was somehow able to tell him that death isn't scary... especially since I didn't realize how soon that would come to him. Since Matt died, I've had no fear of death whatsoever. I'm ready for it whenever it comes to me. But I've gotten to think about dying. And how that part might be scary. Matt probably didn't even go through dying because it came upon him so suddenly. He was knocked unconscious and an hour later, his body died. But however I die... at least I know that death will follow, taking away any pain I might feel. I just hope it's not too terrible or slow. I would be happy to die the way Matt did. Quick, sudden and totally unexpected. I'm just glad he didn't suffer. He didn't have time to be afraid.