Wednesday, October 12, 2011

The greatest gift.

I've been thinking. Obviously. I've been thinking for the past two and a half months. I try to keep my mind on the bright side. That's something Matt always admired about me so I want to keep that quality through this nightmare. For him. It's what he would want me to do.

When I look at the big picture, I have been given the greatest gift. I was given the gift of love through Matt. We had our own little fairytale. I have been given the gift of two children with him; two little blessings who will keep him alive. And, most of all, I've been given the gift of a guardian angel watching over us. The best guardian angel I could ever have... my husband. My husband will be there waiting for me when I die. He will walk me to the gates of Heaven, hand in hand. I couldn't ask for a better angel to welcome me home. There's no one else I'd rather have there than Matt. And I can't wait.

This life is just a stepping stone.

I thought about all this at roughly 12:45am. The night was so bright. I could see the lake. I just stared out the sliding door and looked at the stars. And I was overcome by the beauty of the night. And I just felt Matt was out there.

I told him before I fell asleep that he "made me so happy today". I hope he heard me.

(That photo was taken in the church on our wedding day.)


  1. Stephanie,
    I am so sorry for what you are going through right now. I can't imagine how hard it must be.

    I think in a big way your blog has helped my marriage. The Husband and I had been having problems for awhile and I think we both stopped trying. We seperated for a few months but even after he came home things weren't getting any better, we were on the brink of divorce.

    I don't even remember how I came across your blog but I started reading it. Seeing what I hard thing you are dealing with made me see and appreciate that I still have my Husband. I started putting in a lot of effort and doing more to show him how much he means to me, he did the same in return. Its not perfect but things are getting better.

    I don't even know if it is appropriate or insensative to tell you this. I wish you didn't have to go through this but your blogging about it has helped my marriage, so thank you for that.

  2. If my broken heart has the potential to heal others, then I can embrace it. Thank you for sharing that with me. Love with all your heart for tomorrow is never a guarantee. God bless.