I've been thinking. Obviously. I've been thinking for the past two and a half months. I try to keep my mind on the bright side. That's something Matt always admired about me so I want to keep that quality through this nightmare. For him. It's what he would want me to do.
When I look at the big picture, I have been given the greatest gift. I was given the gift of love through Matt. We had our own little fairytale. I have been given the gift of two children with him; two little blessings who will keep him alive. And, most of all, I've been given the gift of a guardian angel watching over us. The best guardian angel I could ever have... my husband. My husband will be there waiting for me when I die. He will walk me to the gates of Heaven, hand in hand. I couldn't ask for a better angel to welcome me home. There's no one else I'd rather have there than Matt. And I can't wait.
This life is just a stepping stone.
I thought about all this at roughly 12:45am. The night was so bright. I could see the lake. I just stared out the sliding door and looked at the stars. And I was overcome by the beauty of the night. And I just felt Matt was out there.
I told him before I fell asleep that he "made me so happy today". I hope he heard me.
(That photo was taken in the church on our wedding day.)