Wednesday, December 7, 2011

This is only the beginning

Only the beginning of seeing dads pick up their kids from daycare.

Only the beginning of watching their eyes light up at the sight of their dad.

Soon there will be school events with both parents present... and our kids will wish their dad was there, too.

There may come times where Noah and Chloe each have their own activity or sport and I will have to choose which one to attend, knowing that Matt won't be at the other.

He won't be there to walk Chloe down the aisle on her wedding day or to give fatherly advice to Noah... which is really too bad because Matt would have raised Noah to be a wonderful man. I have some impossible shoes to fill. I always thought about how having a bunch of boys would be great for society because Matt would be their dad. :)

Father's Day will serve as a yearly reminder of what we all lost. What Noah and Chloe never really knew.

They are so young I don't even know if they will ever really miss him.

I would give up everything I had if I could just see Noah's face light up at the sight of Matt walking through that door.


  1. I wanted to reach out to you to tell you a short story, but I don't see any email address so I will just write it out in a comment:

    I haven't been blogging much lately, and I have lost track of your updates over the last month or so. But yesterday I was driving home with my two young children in the back seat of the car (similar to yours; a 2 year old boy and a 4 month old girl) when I looked down for a brief second. When I looked back up, there was a piece of farm equiptment of the road in front of me. I slammed on my breaks and halted to a stop. I didn't even have time to think about anything. But during the first breath I took right afterwards, I thought of you, and I prayed about you. Something just told me that I needed to come back here and read your story, and tell you that your husband was watching over you. It was so strange...nothing like that had ever happened to me before. But in a moment that I should have worried about what could have been of my children and I...I thought of you, your children, and your husband. I hope that you are doing well.

  2. My father-in-law passed away when my husband was very young, and I just wanted to give you comfort in knowing your children will miss him. My husband is always surrounding himself in his fathers things, writings, recipes, and even wears his old clothes that fit him.

    Even though he never really knew him, he is apart of our lives so much, and we both love him dearly and miss him everyday. Its the stories, photos, writings and even old clothes that help us remember him and help keep a little piece of him close.

    Now that we have children of our own we talk about Grandpa allot and show them pictures. Its often that my little one gets Grandpa and Daddy mixed up in photos, since they look so much alike

    your an amazing mother and your love for their father will shine on to them.

  3. This is going to sound terrible and un-Christian, MommaFreebie, but I'm going to say it anyway. I hate farm tractors.