Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Missing him

Today was another "day of decline". One of those days where the reality sinks in and I feel like I've been hit with the news all over again. I just feel so empty and out of control on days like today. I just can't believe I'm never going to see him again in this life. He's gone forever. He will never be here to complete our family. Our family will always be incomplete. Not like most families. Just not how I imagined my life turning out. Everything was so perfect.

Noah and Chloe are proof that what we had was real. That our love was real. That Matt was real. Because sometimes I wonder if it will ever become so distant in my memory that it will seem as if it was all just a dream. Our kids are proof that it wasn't.

This just sucks so bad.

I've been falling behind in my devotions. Obvious? The Bible gives me strength - I better make time to catch up on my readings tonight. Maybe instead of blogging I should be reading!

One last thing not so much grief-related. I finally was able to get into the chemistry section I have been stalking GVSU's website for! The professor is very highly rated so I'm really excited. And this particular section is at the downtown campus. I'm officially done playing around with my schedule (I think).

I've been flipping through the guestbook from the funeral home. There are 355 entries... and a lot of those came in couples or families. Matt affected so many people. I miss him.

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