Thursday, December 15, 2011

Then and now

I was not very religious before Matt died. I wanted to be. I believed. I respected religion. But anything I had just felt it was coming from the outside. I was religious according to what I saw in other people. I was just trying to do what they did... going through the motions, if you will. It was not coming from within. I don't even like to admit this but it was almost as though I turned my nose up at the idea of really trying. But now I realize that I shouldn't have to "really try." It should just be there. It wasn't there. I don't know why. Matt was a good start though. He brought me to church and he encouraged me to attend Mass regularly and pray regularly. I was baptized because of him. And that is a really big deal! I only now realize what a big deal that is. Because now I realize how important it is to "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10), "Fear not for I am with you" (Isaiah 41:10), "Trust in the Lord with all your heart" (Proverbs 3:5), etc. etc. Just live in Christ. I was not before. Now the gospel is on my lips and on my heart; something completely uncharacteristic of the person I was before Matt died. I truly feel it from within where I didn't before.

I received an incredibly kind and gracious letter from the CEO and president of Mary Free Bed. As if he isn't busy enough, he took the time to hand-write a thank you card in response to the donation and letter I sent in memory of Matt! The donation will be used specifically for resources related to traumatic brain injury patients, which is so wonderful and exactly what Matt would want. I can only imagine how happy this makes him and I am happy to have been able to contribute to an organization that Matt held near and dear to his heart.

"I had heard of you by word of mouth,
but now my eye has seen you." Job 42:5

1 comment:

  1. We used to chat on the Bump a long time ago. I just wanted to let you know that I think of you and pray for you and your family often.

    I am a Catholic, and I think it's great that you feel you have become closer to God through this tragedy and because of Matt. The fact that he brought you to church and encouraged you to get baptized is definitely a big deal.