I swear I heard him whisper my name this morning. "Steph" I know my mind is just making things up because I want so badly to hear him again. To see him again. To touch him again. But I don't care. Maybe it was real.
I was going through Noah's drawer this morning and noticed a brand new unworn pair of navy pinstripe pants. Pants that I grabbed off the clearance rack at Babies R Us last fall. I thought, "Matt is going to love these." Noah never did have a chance to wear them. I kept them around just in case he might still fit into them for some other special occasion like Easter or something. I didn't realize when I bought those pants, Noah would be wearing them to his daddy's funeral.
I think about what went through his mind right before it happened. Or right as it happened. I want nothing more than to know that he was unafraid, pain-free. But I won't know that, ever. I have to keep reminding myself that no matter how tragic his death was, he is looking down on us from a place that is providing him nothing but comfort and assurance that we will be okay. Because I know he is worried about us... that is how he is. And I am, too. But being surrounded by family and friends and thousands of warm wishes helps me realize that I am not alone.
The abundance of prayers for both Matt, myself and our families is so very much appreciated.
Day three since my husband's death... the day I am ready to start documenting my thoughts. Any thoughts. Random thoughts. Honest thoughts.
Stephanie.. we will always be here for you. Yes Matt is looking down and will always be a part of your life, in spirit, in our memories, living on through your children. Love you, Mom
ReplyDeleteStephanie, You are so strong! I can't even imagine what you are going through. Matt will always be with you, Chloe, and Noah. One day it'll start to get a little easier. Until that day remember not only are your close family and friends there for you, but all those who have been a part of Matt and your life in one way or another. May God bless and watch over all of you.
ReplyDeleteI know for certain that we never lose the people we love, even to death. They continue to participate in every act, thought and decision we make. Their love leaves an indelible imprint in our memories. We find comfort in knowing that our lives have been enriched by having shared their love. ~Leo Buscaglia
ReplyDeleteSending all my love, thoughts and prayers to you and yours today and everyday <3 Rachel Rubin
Hi Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI am a friend of Brian & Morgan Hales. I just wanted to let you know that your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
Megan Lawless
We're all here for you, Steph. I give my thoughts and prayers to you in hopes that it will all be okay, even though it'll never be the same. All in all, our love goes out to you, Noah, and Chloe.
ReplyDeleteLots of love,
~Alex
I can't even begin to describe what's going through my head, let alone imagine what all could be going through yours, I'm still so sorry Steph, Matt was a great man, he'll always still be here, watching over you and your family. He's dearly missed, and will always be remembered, my prayers and thoughts all go out to you, Noah, and Chloe. Love you all.
ReplyDeleteSydney
There are definitely a thousand warm wishes and prayers out there for you guys. I know I've said a thousand prayers myself and I'll continue to say a thousand more. You've been on my mind sooo much the last few days and I can't help but think how unfair it is for someone as sweet as you to be left without your amazing husband. I know that God will wrap his arms around you and provide you with the peace that you deserve...
ReplyDeleteStephanie,
ReplyDeleteMy niece, Amy Love, shared this blog site with me. Although I never met your family I was heartbroken when I heard of your loss. Please know that prayers are now and will continue to be with you and your children. I heard this song on the radio today and immediately thought of you. The quality isn't what it was on the radio, but I wanted you to hear it. Songs can sometimes say what we can't....Sue Helms (Rachels' mom.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oIXyoSbLRKU