Friday, April 20, 2012

Six years.

I know I won't have time to post about this over the weekend. Technically, tomorrow is six years since Matt proposed. That was so incredible and I'm thankful to have pictures of the occasion. I can't believe how young I was... 21! We had a long engagement so I was 22 by the time we got married but... how young! Thank God, too.

That was such a wonderful night. I remember calling family and friends afterwards. We went on a miniature "engagement tour"... I remember going to my aunt's house afterwards because I knew my mom was over there and she had NO idea. My dad, on the other hand, knew it was coming eventually because Matt asked his permission.

I'm still wearing that ring although I actually took it off the other night to see what it would look like just wearing my wedding band. Needless to say, it looks so plain.... but not as plain as taking them both off. I don't know if I'll ever remove my wedding band. But the engagement ring... I think maybe one day but certainly not yet. I felt sad when I took it off the other day just to see what it would look like. So I put that bad boy back on my finger, smiled with satisfaction, and walked out of the bathroom content as can be. It's just so pretty. ;)

Six years... I look at that picture with a smile on my face. Joyful memories I'm so thankful to have. Things are good. I'm feeling better. Which means I know what's coming... another fall into the pit of negativity. But I would rather have temporary periods of happiness knowing that it will be cut off for a short time than always be depressed.

Speaking of periods, I keep thinking about how nice it has been not having one since July 2010. Which is probably one of the greatest perks of breastfeeding (although it doesn't work for everybody). ;) Well, that and the fact that it helps maintain weight but now that I'm running I'm not too worried about blowing up after Chloe weans, lol.

And speaking of running, I feel like I'm on top of the world when I run. What an amazing therapy! I love it. It might be a much safer time for me to think deep thoughts than when I'm driving because wow, I'm just hanging on by the grace of God when I drive these days. I'm looking forward but my mind is definitely on other things and when I realize that there is a truck going much slower than I am right in front of me and my heart skips a beat while I hit the brakes... I think, "Gee, no wonder..." If I was in a position like Matt's I would be a goner. But at least Michigan has a minimum speed of 55mph unlike North Carolina. Then I probably wouldn't die, I would just be severely inconvenienced. Which is worse is definitely debatable.

Anyway, I shall spend all afternoon studying for my bio final, which is Monday morning. My hardest one! Unfortunately, I won't have any extra time to study for it next week besides early Monday morning but, at the same time... I'm getting it over with first. I feel I should do well this semester and I have such a wonderful feeling of accomplishment. I know it's not over until the fat lady sings (I don't get that saying but I know it's in the movie Independence Day which is one of Matt's favorites)... but completing my first semester so soon after losing my husband AND with two little children... and doing well. That's pretty awesome.

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