Thursday, March 1, 2012

A breather.

I think this is a record length of time I've gone without blogging since Matt's death. Let me think... school is keeping me insanely busy. Add two kids at home and voila. Barely time to eat and pee, let alone study!

But spring break is next week, I just took a bio exam this morning and I'm pretty much just ready to lay low for a change... at least for a few hours. I got four hours of sleep last night so a nap is on my list of things to do. As well as catch up on Parenthood because I missed the season finale since I fell asleep too early. And blog.

I'm sad... very very sad. People oftentimes say they've been through hell and back. Well, I've been through hell and... I'm still there! I wonder when I will be able to add the "and back" part. Probably never. This morning during my commute I wondered when someone will decide to pass on a solid line and I'll be on the other side. Or if I spotted a tornado and stopped my car... how long would I have to sit there and think about the pros and cons of getting out to take cover... or just staying in my car.

I think I received a sign today though. I listen to Pandora in my car and sometimes I lose a signal but I don't really realize the music has stopped until some time later (like when it starts again and I think 'Oh, I guess it stopped'). So that happened today and I still have my station on heavenly lullabies just because it's a nice station that I use for Chloe and I like it, too. Anyway, the Rock-A-Bye Baby Version of "Angel" came on (Aerosmith) as soon as I pulled in the driveway so I just sat in my car and listened to it. That was one of "our" songs.

I found a scholarship opportunity for "nontraditional" students that requires an essay. Normally, I would cringe at the though of writing an essay for a scholarship but this time, I am really looking forward to it. Now I have a story to tell.

I shadowed in the emergency department at a hospital last weekend. That was cool. I saw someone die. I saw the biggest, deepest cuts I have ever seen. And maybe that was written in the wrong sequence because in no way am I saying it's cool to watch someone die. That was just... different... but seeing the look on the family member's face was the worst part of it all. So I learned that the blood and the death and the vomit is not going to be the hardest part of working in trauma at all. It's going to be the emotional aspect of it.

What else... I'm quite tired so I can barely think. It's March 1st which means Chloe is turning ONE THIS MONTH! (March 31) Speaking of which, I need to do some things for her party while I have time and before I forget.

Next week is spring break so I'm hoping to have plenty of time to blog significant thoughts as they come as opposed to having to wait days upon days until I get time.

"In all circumstances give thanks." 1 Thessalonians 5:18

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