Wednesday, May 9, 2012

It's funny.

I went all semester long last semester without revealing my state of widowhood in my biology lab and psychology class.  And in biology lecture, it was only to my professor during his office hours.

I had no choice but to reveal that fact on the FIRST day of both anatomy/physiology and chemistry.  I was asked, in both instances, what made me decide to change my career path.  After giving the answer, I have realized that I don't really have a good way of answering that makes me feel like I'm truly satisfying the question.  It's more than just, "Well... my husband was killed in a car accident last summer..."  That's obviously the bottom line but what about that?  So that's what I decided to ponder during my run this morning.  I found the true answer:

Not only do I want to use my experience to bring comfort to other families who are in or very near to a situation in which I was, too (in losing Matt) but I have this drive within me to use my knowledge of what Matt went through after his first car accident to bring HOPE to others who are in the same or a similar situation as he was.  It's dual purpose. I know how much Matt wanted to reach out and bring hope to others who had suffered a traumatic brain injury.  I want to carry on that legacy.

That's a satisfying answer and I will now be better-prepared to respond to, "What made you decide to change your career path?" in a way that truly speaks to the reason why.  Maybe I need to start rehearsing.  Hah!  Just kidding.

I went to the cemetery after my run.  I had been wanting to go so badly after that dream I had (see previous post).  I felt I owed Matt a visit after that.  I went to the flower shop and picked up a heart-shaped stone that was engraved with a phrase.  It was exactly how I felt in my dream.

are not forever.  
Goodbyes are not the end.  
They simply mean 
I'll miss you, 
until we meet again.

I saw that the little seed Noah planted at Gilda's Club had sprouted!  I thought that was so special.  Chloe's isn't doing as well but maybe it will pull through.  I also brought three red roses.  I was feeling very nostalgic today.  I picked three red roses because the first flowers Matt had ever gotten for me in high school were three red roses.  It was for Valentine's Day.  I went to his house one day and they were there on the counter in the kitchen.  He told me there were three red roses, one for each of the words in "I love you".

"The memory of the just will be blessed..." Proverbs 10:7

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