I just made a decision

I'm going back to a counselor. I might look like I have all my pieces together on the outside and I like to pretend it's that way but it's really not. I am falling apart on the inside and it's so not cool that I need to do something about it. I want to move on from this. Maybe seeing a counselor will help me heal further.

And this time it's a MAN. Should be interesting... quite honestly, I feel more comfortable with a woman but I'll give it a try. It's the soonest I could get in (next Thursday).

When I envision my future, I'm happy. When I envision my future... I'm with someone else. I can imagine that far ahead. The kids are happy they have a dad... everything is perfect (although I know how quickly "perfect" can come and go). So maybe that's a step in the right direction. I can see myself happy one day, now it's just a matter of actually getting there. I don't know if I have unresolved grief... if I have pent up anger... I don't know what the deal is but I just don't feel right.

It needs to be addressed.

Time for a run.