Reality is setting in*

I've noticed myself becoming sadder in the last few days. I think the shock is starting to wear off and I'm missing Matt more than ever. I cried last night.

I received the medical examiner's report yesterday. And the toxicology report, which of course came back saying there was no alcohol in Matt's blood. I certainly didn't need a report to know Matt wasn't drinking but I figured I would go ahead and add it to my collection of things related to his death. I'm thinking about our kids; someday they will want to see everything.

The medical examiner's report is four pages long. The first page has basic information (name, address, age, etc.). Then there is a timeline. The injury happened at 10:23am, time of death was 11:35am, the medical examiner was notified at 1:10pm and he viewed Matt's body at 1:45pm. Then it has the probable cause and manner of death.

The second page contains medical history, means of death, activity of decedent and premises and description of body. The last section states that his body was intact, no rigor mortis at the time of viewing, posterior livor mortis, his height and weight, body temperature was warm, hair color, eye color and that his teeth were natural.

The third page is a body diagram. Interestingly enough, aside from bilateral periorbital hemorrhage and a contusion and laceration of his lip, all of his injuries occurred on his left side. He had a 3 1/2" laceration and avulsion extending from the top middle of his head down toward his left ear. He had a 1 1/2" laceration and fracture next to his left eye. A 2" laceration and fracture in front of his left ear. Blood was draining from his left ear and nose. He had a large circular abrasion on his left cheek.

There was a 1" contusion right below his left collarbone. A 3" contusion on the front of his left shoulder. He had a small abrasion on his left elbow. He had a 1 1/2" contusion on his left hip. He had petechial hemorrhaging on the backs of both hands and a small contusion on the back of his left ring finger.

He had a neck brace, an ETT (endotracheal tube), OGT (orogastric tube), IO (intraosseous) infusion in each leg, EKG on his right wrist and a chest tube was inserted in both sides of his chest. The air rush from his chest came from the chest tube on his right side. They inserted the trocar into the left side of his abdomen where blood was not returned. A lumen needle was inserted in his left arm, which I'm guessing is where an IV was placed.

It scans as a PDF file and I don't know how to make it an image so anyone who cares to see the diagram can click here. It is linked to Google docs.

The last page is just a narrative summary of circumstances surrounding death and it's signed by someone.

I hate that all this happened to him. But it's clear that he fought as hard as he could and it's clear that the doctors and nurses did everything they could do to try to save him. I wish it would have been possible.